I have really been trying to get my act together and thought I was winning, but last night I went to the track with a couple of dogs and your man who I hadnt seen for quite some time started on about why didnt I email him any more and why didnt I send him a Christmas card and wasnt it about time I got back to being myself!!! I could have hit him, as I said I have really been trying but apparently not enough for some people. Its not as if I dwell on the subject of Steve, I involve myself in their conversation and laugh at their corny jokes, and that is why I have this blog, so I can air my thoughts for myself and get the frustration out of my system and dont seem to be wallowing in self pity to our aquaintances and friends...I just hope it starts working soon, I really want to just remember the good and funny times without reverting back to the sadness which I feel at the moment, as I said before how long does grieving last?
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katie1159
- 2008-04-14 @ 22:34:19
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freedreams
- 2008-04-15 @ 22:21:01
Hi Katie,
I went to bed early last night so didnt get your comment till today, and I would just like to say Thank you so much for your support and thoughts. You are right about it being a roller coaster and at the moment I feel as if I am riding around the bottom and just waiting to go up...and I just hope it will be soon.
Thanks again for being there. -
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Hiya
I wrote you a whole long answer last night but I lost it so please forgive me for not rewriting sooner.
I don’t believe you can put a time scale on grief – its not something you ‘get over’ its something to learn to live with one day at a time.
Like you I put on the happy smiling face in public – no one (I hope) would ever guess that my heart is still broken – but I find now that I have more good days than bad & I know that when the dark days hit they will go away again.
We will always miss them – nothing will ever change that – but day by day bit by bit we somehow rebuild our lives – it doesn’t stop the hurt and feelings of loss – they happen no matter what.
Also like you I look around me and see my daughters and grandbabies and I am grateful for every second I get to spend with them but then I go to pieces thinking “he’s missing what I am fortunate to see”
Grief to me is like a long roller coaster ride one day were up and we might stay there for a day or a week or a month but then we dive back down into the devastation only to come bouncing back up again.
It’s a long and hard journey so please don’t let other people make you think you are not doing well – you are doing your best and that’s all anyone can ask for.
Thinking of you tonight
xxx