cant let go

Although not quite out of the woods, Sophia was allowed to leave hospital, leaving Mum and Dad to keep up her antibiotics for the next week. The scan was fine, but did show she had a tube blockage thingy, and will have to have another scan in 6 weeks, where they put dye in her somehow and make sure she is weeing the right way. The worst thing is and keeps coming home to me is that Steven suffered with so many urinary tract infections and the mere thought of them sends my blood cold, and makes me think so much of him and what he went through. I thought time was supposed to be a healer but at the moment I cant stop thinking about him, I suppose this happens, I dont know!

Why and how does a little mite contract a urinary infection at two weeks old? Sophia is now on a drip with antibiotics and her parents are in a right state praying she is going to be alright, the consultant will let them know tomorrow the results of the kidney scan. HOW THE HELL DOES IT TAKE TWO BLOODY DAYS TO GET THE RESULT OF A SCAN IN THIS DAY AND AGE. Yes, I am furious with the doctors, hospital, health service and whoever else is involved. I only wish I lived nearer to them for them to bend my earole, but at least they get on the phone several times a day to vent their frustration at the stupid and wicked system. Its times like this when I really wish we lived in France, at least they have a fantastic health service, and even though my Steve passed away in Belgium, the care and attention was second to none, and I know if he had been living here in Ireland, I would have lost him years ago.

I havent felt the need so much to put words to paper on a daily basis, although I am always thinking of Steve and having the odd chat to him when I am on my own, but as they say, time is a great healer and I am gradually coming to terms with him not actually being physically here.
Sophia arriving in the world 10 days ago really helped not only me but hubby and my other son also.
While on the subject of Sophia, I would like to thank all of you for your good wishes it means a lot.
Unfortunately we live 3 hours away from them and with 30 dogs to look after we cannot get to see them as often as we would like so you can imagine my email is getting choc a bloc with photos which will have to do for now.

Sophia arrived a week early and she is georgous...well I would say that wouldn't I. Mum and Dad are over the moon and are so thankful everything went well. Mum is only a tiny thing and when she was pregnant she looked just like she had a large pimple, but Sophia is 7.1 lbs. and the pimple is gone!! Hubby and I went up to see them yesterday and just my luck she was asleep the whole time, I felt like rattling the cot but I think that would have been a bit obvious...I will have to wait.
Looks like we are in for a bad night tonight and we have had to batten down the hatches, seems we are getting the March winds and April showers all at once. I feel a bit sad for all my daffodils..there they were fluttering and dancing in the breeze one moment then flat on the deck the next.
Anyway nothing will make me feel too bad at the moment after the arrival of Sophia.

I really did have a good weekend, weather was great so got my pruning, weeding and general tidying up done, it makes me feel good being outside, we have no neighbours and live in the middle of nowhere so all I hear are the birds and it makes me feel good inside. We had two dogs running last night, a second and a first, neither were fancied so got a good price on them, I dont bet...only on our own dogs if we think they have a chance...got home and found I had won 5 euro on the lotto...It wont change my life but it was nice to actually win something....had a lovely card and flowers from my son who went from the humerous to the lovely words card...first time in 35 years, and it bought a tear to my eye. Then why oh why did I end up snivveling like a baby...maybe because for the last 36 years I have been Mum to two sons.